THE MATCH-UP

 

VS.


Joe

 


Bobcat



THE SETUP

Joe is taking a leisurely walk through the woods on a sunny Sunday afternoon. He was only going to be gone for a couple of hours so he packs lightly, taking only a average sized blue colored Nalgene water bottle and a peanut butter and chocolate flavored Power Bar. As he wanders down the narrow, county maintained dirt trail  his thoughts wander to zone defenses and triangle offenses until he reaches a small clearing then freezes in mid stride. 10 feet away and perched on a small rock is a bobcat. Somehow they both know that this isn't just a friendly encounter in which one side will run away. This will be a fight to the death. The bobcat looks at Joe, looks away, then looks at Joe again showing his fangs in an obvious show of aggression. Joe realizes that he has no gun, no knife, and doesn't have time to find a rock or stick with which to defend himself. Joe sizes up the bobcat, throws his blue Nalgene bottle to the ground, and starts to walk toward his opponent. IT'S ON!    



TALE OF THE TAPE
 
Joe   Bobcat

 

   
Joe Teramoto Common Name Bobcat
H. Sapien Species Rufus
Mammalia Class Mammalia
6'3'' Height 19'' - 22''
195 lbs Weight 20 - 50 lbs.
Tacos, Pizza, Sushi, Korean BBQ Diet Rabbits, Rodents, Deer
Jolly Demeanor Ferocious
To my knowledge Joe has never been in a fight to the death with a wild animal. He does not know kung-fu or any other martial arts. Does not spend very much time in the forest. Extras Although Bobcats have a tendency to stay away from contact with humans they are wild animals who must kill other creatures using just their instincts and athletic prowess to stay alive.

 

YOUR OPINION
 

 


Date:
15 Jul 2006
Time:
23:45:09

Comments

Joe is obviously going to lose this fight. We are talking about a wild animal here. It has claws and fangs and knows how to kill. If a bobcat wants to kill Joe it can and will.


Date:
16 Jul 2006
Time:
00:01:16

Comments

From what I know about Joe, he will win this fight easily. He may get scratched or punctured by the lil critter, but when it comes down to life or death, Joe will prevail.


Date:
16 Jul 2006
Time:
00:50:44

Comments

Joe's lack of experience fighting wild animals is counter-balanced by the bobcats' lack of experience hunting prey as massive as Joe. And because Joe is highly educated, he knows that he must protect his eyes, jugular vein, and femoral arteries from the bobcat's vicious attacks or he will be done for. Joe suffers severe flesh wounds on his forearms from the bobcats' claws and loses half of his left thumb, but ultimately he uses his height and weight advantage to break through the bobcat's slashes and pin it to the ground. The bobcat, knowing that it has selected a prey that is too smart and too large to defeat, escapes into the forest, knowing that someday he and Joe will encounter one another and that next time, he will be prepared and the advantage will be his . . .


Date:
16 Jul 2006
Time:
01:31:22

Comments

As indicated above, it is a fight to the death, therefore, the bobcat is not trying to escape this particular scenario. My opinion. Joe will strangle any 50- lb. creature. Although, with the amount of UFC I have watched lately, there is always a miracle shot. There is a slight chance the bobcat could claw or bite some vital spot that could cause Joe to pass out. Joe could also stumble and fall, hitting his head on a rock, causing an unlikely victory for the bobcat. I put it all on Joe, from a gambling point of view.


Date:
16 Jul 2006
Time:
20:41:59

Comments

Bobcat will rip him apart


Date:
17 Jul 2006
Time:
18:02:37

Comments

For those in favor of the bobcat, contemplate this. The way in which the bobcat will try to kill Joe, will be the very same way in which it will die by Joe's hands. Furthermore, while Joe has never gone through any formal martial arts training, he has seen "The Last Dragon". This information should sway your opinion in favor of Joe.


Date:
17 Jul 2006
Time:
18:18:16

Comments

A relevent story coming from Gary Busey in a movie. Surviving the Game, also starring Ice T. On my eighth birthday, my father brought me a bulldog-- a fat little bulldog. l named him Prince Heny Stout. He was strong. He would chase my pet turkey. He would chase squirrels up the tree. l trained him, raised him... fed him, groomed him. l loved that dog. More than anything in the world, l loved that dog. My father gave me a handful of chery bombs and M-80s... and said, ""You`re gonna train this dog to be a protector."" So l got behind a little dummy my dad built... and l tossed these chery bombs and M-80s at the dog. After a while, he`d get angy and come at the dummy. He`d rip it apart. Head was off. Shirt was gone. So, thirteen years old, birthday time. Got me a twelve-gauge shotgun. We`re goin` huntin`. l was so excited. We went out in the clearing in the woods. My dad laid our guns down and said... ""Son, today you`re going to learn to control your emotions."" ""You`re going to do things some men are unwilling to do."" `"Follow me."" We went around a clump of trees. There`s a little corral. There`s Prince Heny Stout... chained in the middle of the corral. My dad took out a pocketful of chery bombs... put `em in my hand, and said, ""Get in the corral. ""Light those chery bombs and throw `em at the Prince."" `"You`re gonna face manhood. You`re gonna fight that dog to the death."" ""He`s gonna kill you, or you`re gonna kill him."" `"Now!"" He was on me. He was on me like flies on shit. l had no chance. l got my arm up between his teeth and my neck. Went down in the mud, rolled over. That dog is fightin` and bitin`... and l`m screamin` and cryin`, grabbin` him around the head. l stand up and fall with my weight on him... hear his neck break. He`s dead. He`s not breathin`. He`s not...yelpin`, he`s not bitin`... and l`m covered with blood. l stand up. l wipe the blood off. l lick it. My dad says, `"Welcome to manhood.""


Date:
17 Jul 2006
Time:
19:29:23

Comments

Joe Taramoto will eat this wild cat for breakfast. Yeah, that's right. Although "Jolly-Joe" is well-versed in solid pick-n-rolls and spring-step jumpers which seem as they may not apply in this situation, I give him the upper hand in this epic battle because we all know he can truly "see the angles". Two words for any of you doubters out there... Flagrant Foul. 'Nuff said.


Date:
18 Jul 2006
Time:
13:43:35

Comments

This one's easy. In a fight to the death between Joe and the bobcat, the winner will be Chuck Norris.


Date:
18 Jul 2006
Time:
13:55:53

Comments

Bueno la verdad NO creo que joe teramoto H Sapien pueda matar a este animal independiente de que el aveces sea como un TERREMOTO. Maria.


Date:
18 Jul 2006
Time:
16:15:59

Comments

This all depends on the weight and size of said bobcat. A 20 lb. bobcat could potentially seriously injure him, but most likely would not be able to kill him. However, a 40 to 50 lb. bobcat would cause a significantly higher amount of damage to a human, and any prolonged fight where the bobcat strikes Joe's head/face/neck area first will most likely lead to Joe's defeat. Another important, often overlooked aspect, is that Joe does not have any inherent weapons such as fangs or claws. He will be solely relying on his height and weight advantage. And we all know that you can't rely on that to stay on top forever, lest we forget Bryant "Big Country" Reeves.


Date:
21 Jul 2006
Time:
18:54:18

Comments

The opinion before is very valid. We should never forget the inaptitude of Bryant "Big Country" Reeves or his protegé, Brad "Big Continent" Millard who is currently working as a bouncer at Treasures, the strip club in Las Vegas. As for Joe and the Bobcat, I would imagine the most common way for Joe to win this fight would be to first tame the bobcat, pretend to be friends with it, and feed and nurture it before silently snapping its neck while it sleeps.



Date:
16 Sep 2006
Time:
18:30:18

Comments

No way!!! Joe is dead... sorry to say. This world wouldn't be the same without Mr. Teramoto, so I would highly reccomend that he stear clear of contact with the bobcat. Run Joe! Run!


Date:
14 Sep 2006
Time:
11:33:15

Comments

A healthy, adult male bobcat in the wild weighs about 22 pounds. This is about twice the size of a domestic housecat. They primarily prey on rabbits. While they are amazingly adaptable and quite tolerant of human presence, it wouldn't make sense for such a small animal to attack a human. During the research for my book, Bobcat: Master of Survival, I found no record of a bobcat ever killing a human. Even attacks are rare, and these usually involve captive bobcats or bobcats with rabies. I know of two such incidents here in Arizona. With rampant human population growth, human-wildlife conflicts are on the increase. The boundary between human development and wildlife habitat is increasing. Most wild critters are adapting as best they can. Bobcats are one of the few species that seem to have been successful in living close to humans and surviving. The primary educational focus here at Southwest Wildlife Foundation is teaching people how to coexist with our wild neighbors. Check out our website at wwwsouthwestwildlife.org. I would be very skeptical of any anecdotal evidence related to wildlife attacks on humans. We live in an increasingly urban culture and myth and misinformation about wild animals is proliferating, especially on the Internet. Having worked on mountain lion-human interactions I can tell you that 75% to 95% of mountain lion sightings are not even mountain lions. Attacks by big cats and bears on people get a lot of press and subsequently the danger is blown vastly out of proportion. Deer are the cause of over 200 deaths a year in the United States due to collisions on the highways. Bees and and wasps kill 20 to 30 people a year. Domestic dogs kill 20 people a year and inflict 250,000 bites requiring hospital visits. So, I would be very surprised if a bobcat has ever killed a human. I hope this was of help. My new book on bobcats will be out next month. You can preorder it through Oxford University Press or Amazon.com. Kevin Hansen Education Director Southwest Wildlife Foundation


Date:
14 Sep 2006
Time:
11:33:02

Comments

A healthy, adult male bobcat in the wild weighs about 22 pounds. This is about twice the size of a domestic housecat. They primarily prey on rabbits. While they are amazingly adaptable and quite tolerant of human presence, it wouldn't make sense for such a small animal to attack a human. During the research for my book, Bobcat: Master of Survival, I found no record of a bobcat ever killing a human. Even attacks are rare, and these usually involve captive bobcats or bobcats with rabies. I know of two such incidents here in Arizona. With rampant human population growth, human-wildlife conflicts are on the increase. The boundary between human development and wildlife habitat is increasing. Most wild critters are adapting as best they can. Bobcats are one of the few species that seem to have been successful in living close to humans and surviving. The primary educational focus here at Southwest Wildlife Foundation is teaching people how to coexist with our wild neighbors. Check out our website at wwwsouthwestwildlife.org. I would be very skeptical of any anecdotal evidence related to wildlife attacks on humans. We live in an increasingly urban culture and myth and misinformation about wild animals is proliferating, especially on the Internet. Having worked on mountain lion-human interactions I can tell you that 75% to 95% of mountain lion sightings are not even mountain lions. Attacks by big cats and bears on people get a lot of press and subsequently the danger is blown vastly out of proportion. Deer are the cause of over 200 deaths a year in the United States due to collisions on the highways. Bees and and wasps kill 20 to 30 people a year. Domestic dogs kill 20 people a year and inflict 250,000 bites requiring hospital visits. So, I would be very surprised if a bobcat has ever killed a human. I hope this was of help. My new book on bobcats will be out next month. You can preorder it through Oxford University Press or Amazon.com. Kevin Hansen Education Director Southwest Wildlife Foundation


Date:
17 Aug 2006
Time:
14:05:09

Comments

Joe shall win this battle hands down. He may not have training in the martial arts, but his Japanese blood carries the legacy of the samurai. Just as the bobcat has insticts that come out in battle, Joe does, too. He also is a bit of a MacGyver, so don't forget that he still has the Power Bar (or at least the wrapper). You're going down, bobcat!


Mathew Rice
Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved.
Revised: 01/31/13 16:39:51 -0700.